The Power of Praise
As a parent, there are many times when we come to roadblocks. If you are anything like me, when coming to a roadblock, I become anxious and want to figure out a way to fix it. One of my roadblocks that I have come to both as a parent and as an educator is with behavior.
Human behavior is such an interesting concept. Every human, whether they are one day old or one hundred years old is going to have different behaviors. That is why when coming to this roadblock, many times, the thought of how to fix it can be daunting.
Behavior and Praise
The Oxford dictionary defines behavior as: “the way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially toward others.” A child’s behavior is highly dependent upon their past experiences. Children are like sponges. They soak up everything they see and hear (both good and bad) within minutes. If a child is modeled a behavior their goal is ultimately to replicate it. We see that in the early stages of development when a one-year-old is copying everything their mom or dad does. Therefore, if at an early age a child sees praise being modeled, they are much more likely to use it themselves.
Behavior and praise go together hand in hand. Praise is one of, if not the most important behavior tool in your parent toolkit. If you are modeling and showing praise to your children, two things are going to happen. First, and in my opinion, most importantly, they are going to be filled with feelings of positivity and pride. They will be proud of their accomplishment and the hope is that this praise will eventually transfer over to intrinsic pride in their accomplishments. Second, they will be happy that they made others around them happy. In turn, this will encourage them to continue this behavior in the future, rather than negative behavior they may have been displaying in the past.
Person Praise vs. Process Praise
Praise can seem simple and it is, but there are ways in which you can praise that will have a great impact on a child as well as their behavior. When thinking about praise it is important to know that there are two main forms of praise. Person praise and process praise.
Person praise is related to a person’s specific traits and the things in which they have no control over. These are things such as intelligence or looks. Process praise is related to the way in which they do things, which they are in total control of. These are things like the effort they put towards things or their problem-solving strategies. For our purposes, with child behavior, we are going to focus on the importance of process praise. Process praise is easier to implement than you may think. It is just a change in thinking!
Why process praise?
Now, you are probably thinking to yourself why is process praise important? First, I want you to think about yourself. Which of the following comments would be more likely to give you those warm fuzzies inside?
1. I love your hair, it looks great!
OR
2. I love how you styled your hair! You have such a talent for doing hair, I would love for you to teach me how to do it sometime. I know personally, the second comment would make me feel a heck of a lot better about myself. Why? A broad compliment such as: “I love your hair, it looks great!” is very generic and something anyone could say. By complementing a person’s talents and skills you are going deeper and without even realizing it, encouraging them to continue to pursue those talents.
Process praise for children
Process praise is something you can begin using with your children at an early age. I have been using it with my daughter since she was born! They are simpler things at a younger age, however, it sets the stage for the future. These simple comments not only encourage a child to feel pride in themselves and their actions but it also encourages positive behavior without them even knowing it! Tell me what parent wouldn’t be happy with that!
Here are 3 easy examples of ways you can easily implement process praise into your everyday life.
Example #1
Your child ate most of their food on their plate and even attempted to eat the broccoli they don’t usually like.
Person praise: “Wow, you ate such a great dinner. Good job!”
Process praise: “Wow, you did a great job eating your dinner. I am proud of you for trying your broccoli. It is sometimes hard to try something new but you did it all by yourself. I knew you could do it!”
Example #2
You are at a playgroup and you see your child share their favorite toy with another child in the group.
Person praise: “Good job sharing your toy today, you’re such a good boy/girl.”
Process praise: “I saw you sharing your toy today. That was a very kind thing to do and made your friend happy. I am very proud of you.”
Example #3
Your child finishes a picture of you two together that they were drawing and shows it to you.
Person praise: “Wow honey, that’s a great drawing. It looks beautiful.”
Process praise: “Wow honey, what a beautiful picture. I can tell you worked really hard on that because you even thought about having Mommy wear her favorite shirt.”
A Change in Mindset
These simple changes will have a huge impact on a child’s behavior, I promise! No, it won’t happen suddenly or right away however, you will slowly start to notice changes. You will notice your child has changed their mindset. They will begin to develop an intrinsic desire to do the right thing because they know and recognize the results of their actions. So don’t wait, start doing this right away! I promise you won’t regret it! If nothing else, I promise you these comments will fill your child’s heart and mind with the love they deserve (even if they don’t tell you so).
By: Elizabeth Reakes