From Positive to Nausea (Weeks 4-8)

I am so excited to be sharing this with you! I have been using four pregnancy apps and have read several books, yet there are things I am experiencing that no one tells you. I have been grateful for these tools when they have validated how I was feeling or thinking… BUT everyone’s experience is completely different, so I just wanted to share one more perspective: a week by week guide of my symptoms, emotions and thoughts.

Week 4

After our loss in November, Vito and I agreed that I shouldn’t take a pregnancy test until my period was a week late. About a week before my missed period, I came down with a horrible stomach bug. After running to the bathroom constantly and not being able to keep anything down, I started to worry if this would affect me if I was pregnant. Right around this time, my pee started to smell different (not bad, just different). It had done this with my last pregnancy and so I began to be suspicious and knew I wouldn’t be able to wait much longer before I would test. I had a NYC trip planned with a friend, and we were to leave on the day my period was supposed to come. I knew this is all I would be thinking about the whole trip, so a day before take off I tested.

Positive…. It was positive. No freaking way! My mind immediately filled with everything I may have done already to affect the baby. A week after I ovulated, I had a drink. I had nonstop diarrhea for a week and was getting few nutrients. I wasn’t in as good of shape as I wanted to be. I immediately texted Vito a picture of the test. He called me back right away and we began to argue. We had agreed we would wait but I took the test without him. He was scared too. Our loss was a month prior and we had already gotten our hopes up once before. His response was not the one I was looking for. In the movies, the girl always goes and buys the test and then finds a way to tell her partner. Vito actually didn’t believe it was a line on the pregnancy test and decided to take one himself just to make sure.

We had a lot of fears and anxieties to work through in the beginning. I was excited but also really scared. Last time, we had told our families right away. We decided to wait a few weeks to see if this one would stick. My stomach bug lasted through the whole next week. I had lost almost 10 lbs in two weeks and I was so scared the baby wasn’t getting any nutrients. Thankfully, our bodies are designed to protect the baby in those vital first few weeks!

Week 5

It was Christmas week and I knew I couldn’t slip up and tell anyone. Luckily, I hadn’t really been drinking since September, so it wasn’t suspicious to anyone that I didn’t have a drink at any of the festivities. Vito and I continued to talk through our anxieties. I remember crying a lot. I wanted to celebrate that I was pregnant, but we were too scared. I took another test. Positive. During these cold days, I couldn’t get enough ice water. I always drink room temperature water but something about pregnancy had me craving ice.

We went to see our Midwife right around this time with our last pregnancy. As soon as we got to her office, I started bleeding a lot. I peed in the cup and waited. I knew something was wrong. We received the bad news. I had a chemical pregnancy. The next day, I was in the worst pain of my life, bleeding heavily and throwing up. Vito called the midwife and she told him to take me to the ER. It was a miserable day. They couldn’t find my veins and I was poked so many times. They wouldn’t let me eat or drink. They confirmed I had miscarried and thankfully nothing else was wrong. This memory was still fresh in our minds and we were hesitant to even make an appointment. We decided to wait.

Week 6

We hosted a New Years party at our house and stocked up on sparkling cider. I was ready for bed by 10PM as my energy was taking a hit. I had little motivation and not much energy.

I took another test. Positive. This pregnancy made it further than the last and that brought me some relief. We scheduled an appointment with our midwife at the seven week mark.

I started spotting this week anytime Vito and I had sex. I remember going to the bathroom and seeing the light pink on the toilet paper. I started weeping. I felt like something was wrong again. Everything I read said that doesn’t happen until later on in pregnancy. Was this too early? My appointment was in a few days and I decided to cling to hope until then.

week 7

Vito and I walked into our appointment with the midwife, Kelly, holding hands. The last time we were there, we received heartbreaking news. We both put on a brave front for each other and waited while my urine was being analyzed. "You're Pregnant!" Kelly rejoiced with us and answered all of the questions that Vito came equipped with. We both felt a sigh of relief but still knew we weren't completely safe yet. In the car ride home, we discussed whether we should tell our families or wait. We knew if we were to miscarry again, we would want them to know. We decided to go ahead and tell them. I think we both needed their excited responses to allow us to feel excitement.

As the week went on, I waited for my morning sickness to kick in. All four of my pregnancy apps said it should start around now. They said it's a good sign although it may feel crummy. Is it a bad sign if you don't get it? My boobs weren't sensitive. I wasn't nauseous. I didn't feel most of the pregnancy symptoms that my apps and books talked about. I wasn't sleeping well and having crazy dreams, which happens to me periodically anyways. I was also craving burritos more than usual. I went to Taco Bell twice in one week. I usually go a handful of times a year. I am sucker for a bean and cheese burrito though! I decided I should buy some healthy ingredients to make the burritos at home but stock up on the Taco Bell Fire Sauce.

My favorite Burrito Recipe:

Raw organic tortillas from Costco

Refried Black Beans from Trader Joe's

Sliced onion and cheese of choice

Cook tortilla while beans are heating and put it all together!

Week 8

You know how last week I was complaining about not having morning sickness? I should have just been grateful. I got to experience it this week. The only thing that sounded good and would give me energy was frozen mango or a fruit smoothie. Chicken? Don't even say the word. Thankfully, it never lasted all day or even every day. A few times when it hit, I remember thinking to myself, "I can't do this. How do women do this?" Cooking was out of the question. The mix of smells was too overwhelming. One time Vito was making toast while I was peeling a grapefruit and I had to leave the kitchen. Here is a glorious photo that Vito snapped of me eating frozen mango out of the bag feeling like death.

I started craving nacho cheese.... I tried some a few days before with fries but had not had any in years. I was determined to not let myself buy a gallon of nacho cheese. I found this recipe online with a healthy version by the Medical Medium. I made homemade fries and this cheese and it satisfied my craving.

I realized that I would get more sick if I didn't eat right away in the morning. It's hard for me to wake up and eat. I usually eat breakfast after I have been up for a couple of hours. This week, I needed to eat upon waking. I had switched to decaf coffee and would add collagen in to get a little protein right away. A piece of toast with peanut butter was my go to. I would still make breakfast a couple hours later. I could make food throughout the day for myself but when it came to dinner nothing sounded good. I had several aversions but never lost my appetite. I also never threw up, which is a relief! I would get a little queasy, eat a smoothie and feel better.

I was continuing my work as a doula and got called into three births this week. I remember getting the first call and kind of dreading it because it was 2am and I had slept maybe two hours. Once I walked into that room though, doula Liz kicked in. I had energy for the birth and didn’t even remember I hadn’t slept. Right when that birth was finishing, I got called into another one. I may have dozed off in between contractions and hip squeezes. It was a beautiful water birth and it made me super excited to give birth. I also realized that no matter how tired I am, I can keep going and get done what needs to be done. By my third birth that week, I was eager to go in. I wanted to see as many births as I could before I get to meet my baby. Watching women labor and overcome is so inspiring!!

I was relieved to be feeling these symptoms and thankful they weren't too extreme. I was learning that I couldn't find all my answers on the apps or in the books but just through my experience. Every body is different. Every pregnancy is different. Every journey into motherhood is different and I am excited to continue to share mine with you. Click here to continue reading about the next few weeks of my pregnancy.